Diego the Tortoise Retires After Helping to Reproduce 2,000+ Baby Tortoises | The Daily Show


For the Galápagos tortoises,
numbers are an issue they won’t have to worry about
for a while, and it’s all thanks to one hero. A giant tortoise
credited with saving a species is being returned to its home
in the wild. Diego,
a Galápagos giant tortoise, is jokingly called a playboy,
because he spent 40 years helping
to repopulate his species. When he started in the program,
he was one of two males and 12 females left
on the island. Now there are more than 2,000. -WOMAN 2: Oh!
-WOMAN: Well done, Diego. WOMAN 2:
Yeah. WOMAN: Experts estimate
40% of those tortoises are related to him. Now he’s headed
to his native island of Espanola in March to retire, ’cause he’s exhausted! (laughter) (cheers and applause) Thank you for your service,
Diego. This is an amazing story. This hero turtle
turned the population of less than 20 tortoises
into 2,000! Just look at him
in the water there, huh? -Cooling his balls off.
-(laughter) You earned it, buddy! And let this be a lesson
to kids out there. If someone tells you to go out
and practice safe sex, you tell them, “No, I want to be
like Diego the (bleep) turtle!” (laughter) (applause) No, I’m joking.
Safe sex, safe sex. I’m joking. Come on. I’ve got to be honest. You know,
when I first heard this story, Diego reminded me of those uncles in the hood
that you’d hear about. You know, where people
would be chatting like, “You heard how many kids
Diego got? 2,000! -“For real?”
-“For real!” I heard he ran away to an island
to avoid child support. (laughter) Also, I love how Diego
is the hero of the story and not the females,
who actually gave birth -to 2,000 babies!
-(cheering, applause) Who’s running this,
the Oscar voters? Now, look, jokes aside, Diego
did help repopulate the species, but he wasn’t
the only turtle responsible for fathering the 2,000 kids. Yeah, there was another turtle
who helped Diego out, and he retired to the Senate.

100 Replies to “Diego the Tortoise Retires After Helping to Reproduce 2,000+ Baby Tortoises | The Daily Show”

  1. I don't mind thinking about Diego shagging, but the thought of Mitch McConnell mating? That is going to give me nightmares! NIGHTMARES!

  2. Wait, if there were 2 males and now 40% of the population is related to Diego, then why the fuck he gets all the credit? What about the other guy with 60%?

  3. Sir David Attenborough just influenced the Queen of England to reposition a historical sun dial in garden of Buckingham Palace. Now that is Clout

  4. Wait!! After knowing that home for 40 years now they are going to put him somewhere he doesn't know to be in possible danger?! Retire should be staying somewhere he always has food and safety. Makes no sense

  5. 2000 new turtles, 40% of them are related to Diego. There were only two males in 12 females. So the other mail what is responsible for 60% which is 1200. Where is that turtle? He must be a minority do not get credit where credit is due

  6. "who's running this? the oscar voters??" ….hahaha Joke kinda got buried under applause but I see you my man…I see you !! 😀

  7. Am I the only one thinking that the other male tortoise is actually the one who should be getting the attention? If there were only 2 males, and 40% are related to Diego, that means that the other 60% are related to the other male, which means he actually did more to save the species.

  8. I had the chance to meet him and some of the little tortoises. He is incredibly huge!
    Galapagos is an amazing place.

  9. But wouldn't that mean if the babies get older and have to find mates, they'd be committing incest? Because most of them are half-siblings?

  10. This means he had sex with his children. Some of those kids are deformed and its going to get worse over time.

  11. "You heard how many kids Diego got? 2000!"
    "For real?"
    "For real!"
    "Well, that's what makes Diego lucky to be male. A female would never survive having 2000 kids. Seriously, consider it for a moment."

  12. When I visited the Galapagos a few years ago the keepers called him “Super Diego” for obvious reasons, even though he only had 400 offspring back then

  13. i heard that it was 1 tortis & 1,000 babies… who changed the "1" into a "2"? 🤔 has Trump been messing with numbers again? ….. 😳

  14. If he was one of two males and only 40% of the now living turtles are related to him, then you should give the other male the credit. It's called math.

  15. Stop advice kids and I think you should want to be like Diego because the world needs much more Trevor. 😀You are amazing, maaan👍

  16. I liked the part where the newscaster said he's left to retire cuz he's exhausted. 😂😂, Mehn u should see the grin on ma face. Lol

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