Ronny Chieng Hosts #CRUSHING: A Success Podcast for Winners | The Daily Show


(rock music ) – Testing, testing, diabetes is a mindset. Test, one, two, one, two. We good? All right, what’s up Chieng Gang, it’s your boy, Ronny Chieng here with an episode of #Crushing,
success podcast for winners. Lots of people always ask me, hey Ronny, how can we crush it as
hard as you’re crushing it? Well the answer is, you can’t. Yo, I’m crushing it harder
than science thought possible. I’ve written 13 books,
delivered 58 Ted Talks, and I follow over 78,000
people on Twitter. I post over 400 inspirational
quotes on Instagram a day. I’m a nonstop dynamo of epic winning. I’m like Elon Musk without
the weird anime fetish, all right, fuck you, Elon. – [Announcer] That’s a Ronny bomb! – But hey, if you listen to
this P cast and follow my advice maybe you too could ride this
crush train to Crush Town. The train conductor on that
by the way, Jeremy Piven. (train whistle blows) All right, I’m ready to pound,
let’s get this show started. (rock music) – [Announcer] Success, money, Instagram. AirPods, bacon. – Woo! Still buzzing, you guys, I just gave the keynote address
to a power thought summit. Brought to you by Forbes and Lean Cuisine. The title of my speech, “How Every Entrepreneur Has
to Try Huffing Spray Paint.” Check that out on YouTube
or you can buy my new book, “The Success Virus: How to
Infect Yourself with Winning.” The book tour for that
went viral, by the way. Several attendees got
legionnaires disease. (rock music) – [Men] Cleanse, cleanse,
cleanse, cleanse, cleanse! – Hell yeah! You know what that means. It’s time for the Cleanse Report. Right now I’m on a solid
and liquids cleanse. That means I’m not drinking or eating solids or liquids for two weeks. For breakfast I had some
vape smoke and for lunch I’m gonna suck the helium
out of a balloon animal. I gotta tell you guys, ever since I started this cleanse my energy is up, my
blood pressure is down, and my motor skills are shot. (guitar riff) If any of that sounds appealing to you why don’t you check out my website? Ronnychieng.proteinpower where I’ve got some exclusive recipes and an interview with Ashton Kutcher. (rock music)
(engine roars) – [Announcer] That’s a Ronny Bomb! – Let’s crush an ad break right now. And when we’re back, we’re
gonna have my special guest, The Daily Show’s Roy Wood Jr. And I’m gonna ask him if he’s ever snorted dog tranquilizers. Woo!
(gunfire) (rock music) Today’s episode is brought to you by Doctor Manhood’s Tissues for Men. Are you tired of girly tissues that look like they were
designed by Nancy Meyers, director of “Something’s Gotta
Give” and “The Holidays”, whatever those are. Then you need Doctor
Manhood’s Tissues for Men. They’re 100% testosterone
fueled bad ass tissues for jacked up bros.
– For jacked up bros. – Okay, they’re just like regular tissues except they come in a black box with like flames on the side. You wouldn’t wear ladies clothes or vote for a female politician, then why are you blowing your nose with a woman’s Kleenex? Doctor Manhood’s Tissues for Men. Don’t blow your nose, bro your nose. Today’s episode of #Crushing
is brought to you by Ronny Chieng’s Cursed Healing Crystals. Listen, bros, these crystals
will fucking change your life. I recently mowed down a witch in my Tesla and we went back to check for the body All that was there was this burlap sack filled with these crystals, okay, and now I’m selling them to you. For literally any amount of money. Please, seriously, I just
need to get these things out of my house. Okay, I tried to throw them in a river. When I got back home there
was just more of them. What the fuck. Ronny Chieng’s Cursed Healing Crystals. Oh god, they’re glowing again. All right, we’re back and we’re joined by our legendary guest from the Daily Show with Trevor
Noah, he’s a correspondent. Looks like he could bench,
I don’t know, 230, 240? Roy Wood Jr. is here! – Thanks man, actually I can
bench like 175 last I tried. – Oh wow, that’s weak. – What’s that smell? – That’s a deer carcass. Hey, Roy, you are crushing. – Thanks man, thanks,
you’re crushing it too, man. – Yeah, I know, it’s actually a problem how hard I’m crushing it. It’s starting to affect
the people around me and the people I love. Roy, let me ask you something. You’re a stand up comedian, right, a lot of nights on the road. How do you stay emotionally
connected to your loved ones while still maintaining
focus in your career. – The trick is to bring
a piece of home with you. – I’m just kidding, man, no
one cares about that shit. Roy, let me ask you
something, you ever done DMT? (gunfire) – No. – You ever inject horse platelets? (guitar riff) – I don’t even know what that is. – You ever free base the
stuff inside of glow sticks? (tiger roars) – Who the hell does that, Ronny, can I just talk about
my Comedy Central shit? Can I talk about the web series? – Sure, sure, sure, Roy,
let me ask you something. You ever do LSD and have a
threesome inside an aquarium? (sirens wail)
– You just got Chieng Banged! – Can I just answer the
travel question you asked? The original question about travel. – Yeah, do you mind if I
do some kettle bell squats while you talk? – [Roy] Do whatever you need to do man, I just wanna have a normal conversation. – Thanks. – So when I’m traveling Facetime
is the way for me to go. If I can Facetime with
my child before bed time. – Woo! – ‘Cause usually my first
show at eight o’clock is around the same time
as my sons bed time. – [Ronny] Four, five! – So before I go on stage–
– Six! – I make sure to Facetime with my child– – You got this, Chieng! Come on! Come on, man! – And so normally–
– pain is just weakness leaving the body! – When I’m offered a gig I have to look at how many days is this gig gonna
keep me away from my family. And that’s not what I used to
do when I was a younger comic, I would take any gig–
– Sure, sure, sure. Hey, yo, I just did like
100 squat things by the way. Not sure if you noticed me
just ripping metal there, it’s a real lifestyle choice. I gotta ask you, are you
doing no pee November? – No, what the hell is that? – What the hell is that,
what do you think it is, man? It’s where you don’t pee for
the entire month of November. – Like, November was last year, you haven’t peed since November? – November is a state of mind. – So this is like no nut November where you like don’t
masturbate or whatever. – I guess it’s like that
because it involves the penis but instead of sperm it’s piss. Okay, anyway, I watched
your stand up special, very funny stuff.
– Thank you, man. – I especially love the part where you talk about the
nutritional benefits of eating elk. – I don’t think I did that, that was probably somebody
else’s special you were watching, I did not talk about elk. – You sure about that?
– I’m very positive. – Okay, maybe I’m confused ’cause I watched the
whole thing on 10x speed. I finished it in like six minutes. But anyways, since
we’re talkin’ about elk, you ever do an elk binge? It’s where you kill an elk and you have to eat the
whole thing in 72 hours, including the bones, it’s
how the cavemen lived. – Yeah, and cavemen also had
a life expectancy of 17 years. They died early, they didn’t
have Teslas and podcasts and modern medicine, they
didn’t even speak English. – That’s a really good point. – Why would you wanna live like a caveman? – Elk meet is really lean
and dense in nutrients. – It’s like I’m saying words and you’re not hearing those words. – Ha ha, totally! – [Roy] Different words
come out of your mouth. – That is so 90s, man. – Okay, can I ask you a question? – Of course, please.
– Seriously, what is all of this, why
are you talking about drinking glow sticks and eating
eagle jerky and elk meat? What happened to you? – Wow, no one’s ever asked me that before. Actually, I don’t even know
if I can talk about this. – Oh, it’s fine man,
we’re friends, you share. – Okay, well ever since I was a teenager I knew I was different. I was rebellious, fell
into the wrong crowd, got into fast cars, extreme
sports, chesty women. – Okay, but that’s par for the course, that’s what young boys
are into, women and. – Right, but one day my life changed. You see, the government needed
my extreme sports expertise to help infiltrate a
Russian terrorist cell in central Europe. – Okay, hold up. – Please, let me finish. You see, the terrorist
group known as Anarchy 99 had acquired a biochemical weapon and the only way to disarm the missile was to use my extreme sports capabilities and racing cars through
the streets of Prague. – Okay, so Anarchy 99.
– Yeah. – And you’re sure that’s the
name of the terrorist group? – Yeah. – No, Ronny, that’s the plot to XXX. The movie, Vin Diesel,
he did all that shit, you didn’t do none of that. – Yeah, yeah, they based that movie on me. – You’re full of shit. – No man, I’m full of pee. No pee November, remember? – All right, this is gettin’
weird, I’m gonna go, bro. – Well the door’s are
locked from the outside so good luck leaving. This is Ronny Chieng with
another episode of #Crushing, a success podcast for winners. – Can I at least plug
my website real quick? – Hope you found new ways to hack your way through
this jungle we call life. Thanks to my guest, Ray Wood Sr. – Did that deer just move? – Uh, yeah, probably. I gotta go do crossfit with
the co-founder of WeWork, we’re best friends. Until next time, keep crushing that shit. (sniffs) Woo! (explosion booms) You want some deer? (rock music)

100 Replies to “Ronny Chieng Hosts #CRUSHING: A Success Podcast for Winners | The Daily Show”

  1. Why is he so not angry and not screaming all the time, and his face isn't turning red all the time??? Totally unbelievable.

  2. Marijuana stopped the Holocaust.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIxFhYVv_Gk
    For some reason, that seems like a fact worth knowing.

  3. Epic shade at Joe Rogan and other podcasters!! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

    #YangGang !!!! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘

  4. I love how they're letting him post all this random shit on the official channel. Just remember kids:
    DIABETES IS A MINDSET.

  5. What is this program now, a minority freak show? Put em in a cage so the rest of us can throw peanuts at them while dodging their handfuls of shit…

  6. Ching, Chang, walla Walla bing bang…

    "Momma there's some boys at our door claimin' to live here too…."

    "My son go run and grab my gun and we'll teach the little beggars "what-for"

    Unh.

  7. Every Patreon subscription goes to the effort of saving Australia's changaroo population which Ronny swears is a real thing and not just what he calls his penis.

  8. This is FUNNY!!
    AND I'M SO FUCKING MOTIVATED THIS FUCKING PODCAST IS LIFE CHANGING ALSO I JUST ORDERED 50 JARS OF YOUR PROTEIN POWDER

  9. This is so extremely accurate and I haven't seen podcast parodies before thanks for making these hahahahaha
    You ever did DMT?

  10. not just joe rogan, ralph smart, robin sharma's titan summit, celery challenge. Basically for the motivational speakers out there

  11. โ€œYou wouldnโ€™t wear ladies clothes or vote for a female politician….๐Ÿ˜ฌ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ฌ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ฌ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ฌ

  12. Just weakness leaving the body ๐Ÿ˜‚I need to use that one when I donโ€™t want to get up out of bed to go to the gym

  13. A weak version of eric Andre show as a podcast cause you know Eric would have been doing this entire thing naked

  14. How dare this disappointment of a man insult Elon musk! Anime is better than that garbage I was forced to watch as a kid called "American cartoons." Just wanted to vent with no bad feelings intended.

  15. Why is comedy central app is not available in INDIA? I want it.๐Ÿค— Can you do something about it? Please.๐Ÿ˜‡

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *